” “What if I ruin the mood by laughing because it just sounds so ridiculous? ” Manta says she hears anxious concerns like these all the time in the field. When you’re mastering the art of how to talk dirty, you might feel silly at first—just know that you’ll survive and gradually get more comfortable with the sensation of feeling awkward. It’s worth noting that some people genuinely enjoy and prefer silence during sex, and that’s okay too. Dr. Jansen has come across such cases in her practice. But if you have a timid lover who is interested in talking dirty but isn’t sure where to start, you can help them venture out of their comfort zone by teeing up opportunities for them to follow your lead.
How To Talk Dirty Without Being Awkward
Morse recommends checking out feminist/ethical porn sites, listening to audio erotica, and even reading erotic stories aloud to your partner to gauge which phrases feel natural to say. Inspiration doesn’t always have to be explicitly sexual; Zapata has found some great source material from ’90s R&B songs. One way to build confidence with sex talk is to start dirty talking to yourself. Dr. Tara has her clients create a positive sexual mantra, and then say it to themselves each day. “[The affirmation] could be a compliment about some part of your sexuality, whether it’s a part of your body, your sexual energy, or how you are as a lover,” she explains. If you’re currently in a long distance relationship, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have a lot of fun with your man.
- “It’s not only okay if there’s laughter during sex, it’s great,” says Harris. “Sex should be playful.
- Discuss what the dirty talk will entail to make sure it’s within everyone’s established boundaries and desires, explains Harris.
- Sussing out the other person’s parameters going in will ease your mind by knowing in advance what’s okay and what’s not.
- Especially when you’re apart from your partner, this is a way to build anticipation, Cook says, and heighten sexual tension.
- But that said, even though you’ve had this discussion, and even though you KNOW it’s safe to take the leap, your mind will still try to keep you back from stepping out into the unknown.
Starting To Talk Dirty
There has even been research to suggest that dirty talk can increase a woman’s chances of having an orgasm. When you’re out with your girls, getting ready to head home to your sweetheart, send him a text message that reads, “I’m on my way home and I can’t wait to touch you all over when I get there. The best role play is in tune with your desires and interests, but popular scenarios include a doctor and nurse, pilot and air hostess, and someone with power like a police officer. Lines like “I’ve been naughty and deserve to be punished” and using “Sir, Madam, Miss” can all enhance tension. “Begin by using softer, suggestive language to create a comfortable environment and enable you to gauge your partner’s reaction. “I’ve been thinking about you all day” is a great opening line,” says Cook.
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But that doesn’t mean you can just say anything that pops into your head. You need to know the dirty things to say to a girl that’ll actually turn her on. To my great feminist relief, the show was universally lambasted by professional critics and internet trolls alike—it was the worst-reviewed show in HBO’s history. I mean, talking dirty is vulnerable, and I feared that seeing professionally hot people fail so miserably and publicly at it might be enough to silence a whole generation. I decided to phone a friend—actually, two of them—for advice on how to vocalize your desire without feeling like a rat-tailed club owner/cult leader on HBO.
Seduction can begin weeks before over text, and lead right up to a teasing moment of foreplay, stating your designs on your partner’s body. Present-tense narration is a simple and surprisingly powerful way to transform language into a sort of vibrator for your mind, enhancing whatever you and your partner are already enjoying. And the check-in is a way to get more mileage out of your awesome sex by sending an aftercare reminder, bringing you back into the moment with the simplest sentence. When delving into dirty talk, Litner suggests going slow. Instead of diving right in, start sprinkling in some sexy talk here and there to get comfortable with it. From there, you can gauge what feels right for you and your partner.
There are so many body parts and emotions—it’s easy to get out of the moment and into your head. Dirty talk, sensual communication—whatever you want to call it, a sexual dialogue can help you stay present. There’s much less space in your brain to obsess over the lighting or your overflowing email inbox when you’ve got someone filling up your ear with sexy whispers. But what exactly are you supposed to be whispering about?
There’s no need to get fancy or poetic; you’re not writing an essay for AP Lit, okay? Cock and pussy are good, acceptably filthy places to start. They’re taboo enough that you wouldn’t say them around your boss, but they’re also not disrespectful or clinical, which is exactly the tone you should be going for. Often women are too critical and shy about their bodies and thus avoid this position.
